2/17/14 - please don’t leave me here alone
I just wanted to make you smile.
And now that you’re getting better, I’m afraid
that you won’t need me for a while.
When I left, ever so briefly,
I thought you were silly for thinking I’d abandon you,
but now I am terrified.
And can you tell me that I’m unjustified?
In being scared now of the dark
when you were the only light illuminating me.
2/11/14 - I Know What It’s Like Up There
I know what it’s like up there.
And you’re wrong.
There are no stars;
those things you see marring the sky at night
The darkness that god created
I’ve found the end of shadows in the darkest of places.
The moon doesn’t shine on the back of my neck or anywhere
because there is no light;
and there are no shadows.
I am not the push and pull of the tide.
I am the tide.
I am not the wind caressing your face;
I am the air you breathe.
I am not the stars in the sky,
I am the sky.
I am the clock
ticking inside your chest
and I am the bones protecting it.
Can you hear me?
For when your clock stops beating
you won’t be with me.
You will be me.
And you will be the answer
to the question you asked that day.
(in response to this poem)
It don’t know if I ever really loved you,
but either way I couldn’t help the way I felt.
How many times did I tell you
I wasn’t what you thought I was?
And how many times
did you insist otherwise?
I’m sorry for the way I am
but I did everything I could think of.
It’s not my fault
that you were to blind to see
that the person you were looking at
was nobody like me.
I knew we weren’t meant to be
when somebody asked about our dreams
and you answered right away
while I just stuttered.
The knights I knew
were empty suits of armor filled with moonlight
that glittered like stars and galaxies with swords made of sunbeams
and shields made of fallen bits of undiscovered planets.
But what I never realized
was how long and dark the shadows
casted by brilliance and beauty could be
until they were being casted
The truth is,
I want to be with you.
I don’t care
if it is in a romantic way
or if it is merely friendly.
But on those rare occasions when I cry,
I want to cry
into your shoulder.
On those rare occasions when I crave
human warmth and comfort,
I want it to be you
I wrap my arms around.
On those frequent days when I am lonely,
it’s you I want to be lonely with.
And I’m not sure if this makes it better or worse,
but the truth is,
it’s always been you.
4/22/13 - When the Maggots Come
You’d think you’d feel when
the world changes.
That you’d shiver
or inexplicably cry
or feel cold.
But you won’t.
and be happy
and feel warm.
Your universe rips apart
But ignorance acts as morphine
and forces you to stay whole;
until the maggots come.
4/8/13 - A Suicide Note
I became a ghost when I met you
and I remained a ghost until
the day that I died
in everyone else’s eyes
Random Daze theme by Polaraul